


The Cool and the Lonely

by Piripulix300



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Depression, Drugs, Gen, Heavy Angst, Jeremy has his head up in the clouds, Keanu is an evil squip, M/M, Michael goes from sad to bad, Original Content - Freeform, Pining, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trauma, at the end, i'm not kiding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-04-21
Packaged: 2019-03-12 07:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13542900
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piripulix300/pseuds/Piripulix300
Summary: Michael never helped Jeremy with his Squip... because he never knew he had one! Rich forced Jeremy to get a Squip instead of 'gently' asking him if he wanted one. Now Michael's all alone, wondering what he did wrong. So much shit can happen when you don't know the other actually can't see you.





	1. Can't wait for tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> This fic starts by following the events a bit, but there'll be original content.  
> Also, I am not diminishing Jeremy's trauma but I want to focus on Michael's one.

 

Michael and Jeremy had been friend for more than half their life. There was nothing the skinny boy could hide from him. When Jeremy brought him presents, he always knew what they were before opening them. When Jeremy's mother left, he was there for him before his friend had the courage to tell him. And when Jeremy told him he loved Christine, Michael was glad he had weeks to adjust to the idea before having to feign excitement. It was no surprise that Jeremy's dream was to be popular -he has been clobbering him with what they should say or act like to finally be cool- but Michael would never have guessed that Jeremy would leave twelve years of friendship behind just to hang out with dudes he never talked to before. That's why, the day Jeremy decided to change, Michael didn't find out.

 

* * *

 

It all started with a car trip. That day, Michael was driving Jeremy back home. Their evening was planned: Michael would drive him back home and they would play video games all night. The perfect way to end the day. He was actually waiting for his nerdy boy to join him in the parking lot.

“Michael!” His friend yelled before appearing in sight..

The tanned boy turned around and lifted his headphones off his ears. How glad he was to see that smile on his best friend.

“Jeremy, my buddy. How's it hanging?”

“You already said that this morning, you old broken record.”

“Don't insult records, bro. Ready for 'game all night night'? I'm sure we'll beat this damn level.” He was smiling at how excited Jeremy looked. He himself couldn't wait to get home and settle. He fumbled absent-mindedly with his car keys, hoping to find the right one before the evening was over.

“Michael, I have some amazing news! You'll never believe it!”

“Try me.”

“Well, I met Rich in the toilets today...”

“Amazing.” Michael stood deadpan. “Fantastic. Wonderful. What a day.”

“What...? No, I... Michael!”

Michael laughed. It was so easy to confuse Jeremy.

“R-Rich actually _talked_ to me. _Nicely!_ He wants to hang out!”

Michael dropped his keys.

“What... For real?” Michael was taken aback. He picked back his keys and tried to concentrate on them. He failed miserably as his mind started to wander around the subject of Rich. Why was he trying to become a friend so suddenly? Just yesterday he was thrusting Michael head first into a locker. Jeremy misinterpreted his friend's emotion as disbelief and kept on rambling.

“Y-Yeah, he wants to meet at the Mall tomorrow. He says he'll make us cool. D'you believe that? We'll be c-cool!”

“He wants us to be cool?” Michael said flatly.

Jeremy shook his head violently. Michael gulped. He tried to talk, but Jeremy's smile had him before he could speak his mind.

_Bad idea. Bad idea._

“Good idea. Let's try that.”

Jeremy was just  _so excited_ , Michael couldn't take that away from him. Yet when he opened his car, his hands were shaking and he didn't know why. The drive back home carried two very distinct emotions, and Jeremy never knew. He was too preoccupied with what he will say to Rich tomorrow to take care of what he should say to his friend now.

 

* * *

 

Evening. Apocalypse of the damned blasting on the TV. Controllers in hands. Butts on beanbags. No conversation between the two friends except for the occasional "watch out" and "zombie!", but Michael's mind was running. He had actually a lot to talk about. For once, Jeremy was the more attentive one. Michael's character suddenly found himself circled by zombies and Jeremy couldn't save him. He sighed when the game went from two to one player. He leaned back and watched Jeremy as his scrawny friend tried to single-play the game. His face was making that weird concentration thing and Michael scoffed. Jeremy seemed to notice and put his tongue back in his mouth.

“Hey, how did you get Rich to befriend you anyway?” Michael asked.

“Oh. I didn't tell you? I talked to him in the toilets.”

“Yeah but, uh, what did you say?”

Jeremy through a quick glance at Michael, but he couldn't focus on him too much as his character was dangerously close to a horde of zombies.

“I don't know, m-maybe he liked what I said to the teacher earlier or anything. He said that I had what it takes and that we had to meet him at the mall tomorrow, that's all.”

“Aren't you afraid it's a scam?”

Jeremy shrank down on himself. His eyes went flying on the carpet, looking for a way to explain himself.

“Y-Yeah but... He wants us to be cool!”

“We don't know Rich. Why would he want to have anything to do with us? Plus, cool's overhyped.”

“C'mon Michael, we're already the lamest l-losers in school. I say it won't hurt to try. We've got nothing to lose.”

“Well... We have each other.”

Though Michael's gaze hadn't left his best friend, Jeremy was doing come-and-go between the red hoodie and the flashy screen. He looked worried.

On the other hand, Jeremy always looked worried.

“I mean... What if you get to be cool and I don't? You know I'll never change dude. If you go away that'd be... ” _the worst_ “so uncool dude.”

That had Jeremy giggle. He nudged Michael on the arm.

“C'mon! Do you really believe that anything in the world could separate us? We're stuck with each other man. Now grab your controller, it's a two-player game and I don't want to be stuck on this level forever.”

“Oh, what?”

Jeremy threw him the controller. A bloody "game over" was written all over the screen. Ah. So that's why he needed Michael again. His gaze got stuck on the controller. It was a red one with a 'P2' sticker on it.

“Hey, don't make that face. I... Hum... Y-You know that you're my favourite person, right? There's no way I can do this without you.”

“Weally? I'm your... favwite pewson?”

The boys chuckled. Bolstered by friendship, they finally beat the stage and feasted with pizza and vintage soda. Jeremy phoned his father to let him know that he was staying at Michael's. Tomorrow wasn't a school day, and they had plans to put in action: Michael's contact had found some Crystal Pepsi that was on his to-get-list since forever. Honestly, Jeremy couldn't grab why that had his best friend so excited, but he just loved how that made Michael's face shine.

“I have to meet him at 10:30 a.m. He won't accept any delay. Mostly because it's his break and he doesn't have all day.”

“Well... Got to meet Rich too. He's joining us at 10:15.”

Michael whistled. That was a tight schedule to deal with whatever his bully had to say to them. But the sweet solace of a discontinued soda was a bait tempting enough to have Michael agree to meet Rich anyway. Jeremy was getting sleepy. His eyes were slamming shut involuntarily. With a yawn, he dragged himself under the duvet and left Michael wondering with a last:

“Dude, isn't that awesome? Tomorrow we'll finally be cool.”

“Y-Yeah... ” Michael stuttered. “Can't wait.”

 

 


	2. Do the Dew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich meets with the boys at the mall. It's time to be more chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enlight us, Rich.

 

Jeremy and Michael had wandered through the mall all morning. Now they were tired, and they had stopped at a cafe to drink something before heading off to Spencer's Gifts, where Michael's contact would wait for him to buy his weekly dose of discontinued soda. They had completely forgotten about Rich. That is until Jeremy's phone ringed. Michael raised an eyebrow. His friend usually received texts from him and him only. Jeremy unlocked his phone and his face lit up. 

“Oh... Oh! It's Rich!”

“Damn... Forgot about that.”

“Still not convinced as I see...” Jeremy was typing on his phone while talking, thus creating some blanks in the conversation. “You'll be convinced soon....”

“You're repeating yourself Jer-Bear.”

“Don't call me that in front of him!”

“Alright, love.”

Jeremy became as red as Michael's hoodie. He mumbled some inaudible and stuttered sentences while Michael laughed his ass off. It was only seconds before Rich appeared in a blast. 

“Yo losers. Make way, for the extraordinary Rich is gracing you with his presence.”

“Gracing us...?”

“Shut up.”

Okay, ouch. Rich grabbed a chair and sited back to front. His eyes were focused on Jeremy only so that Michael already felt left behind. He tried to catch Jeremy's attention, but the slender boy was looking at Rich with all the devotion in the world. He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at how typically lame the scene was. 

“Did you losers brought the Dew as agreed?”

Jeremy's dazed smile turned into a frown.

“Shit! I'm sorry I-You asked me to do one thing and I d-didn't even... I should have told Michael, he would have r-remembered...”

“Wait wait wait... You don't have the Dew?”

Michael had no idea why the hell Rich needed Mountain Dew for, but it seemed important. Rich was not happy about Jeremy forgetting it. He felt ashamed to hope that the deal would be off.

“What the fuck? I tell you that I'll make you cool in exchange for some Dew and you find a way to screw that up? This small task, you can't complete it? No wonder why you're losers and not me.”

Jeremy retracted on himself. Michael had the semi-hope that this charade would stop right here. Something was fishy and Jeremy didn't seem to notice.

“Too bad. Well, if that's all you needed us for, guess we'll be going.”

Michael was already up. Rich finally acknowledged him. He squinted his eyes at him. They had a tinge of annoyance in them. Behind him, Jeremy was shaking his head left and right with fear written all over it.

“Be glad, peasants, for the great Rich thought about that possibility.”

Without letting go of Michael's gaze, he took a shoe box out of his backpack. Michael leaned back in his chair.

“W-What's that?” Asked Jeremy, completely obvious of the tension. Rich turned his face back at Jeremy.

“This is the solution to all your problems, nerds. This will make you cool.”

“What's in it?” Michael asked.

“Michael...” Scolded Jeremy. He must have sensed that something was off. Finally! However, he was taking the wrong side of the fight. Michael answered his troubled glance with an annoyed one.

“It's... from Japan.”

Rich was talking again. Did he hear a lisp?

“It will make your life so much easier. Believe me. I tried it. Freshman year, I was a loser just like you, look at me now! I am at the top of the pyramid! Everyone knows and respects me! I have friends everywhere!”

“You do.” Michael agreed. “Except not with guys like us. What do you want from us?”

Jeremy was looking at him as if he was badmouthing the president in front of his face. Michael couldn't believe that Jeremy wasn't taking his side. He knew it was his friend's lifetime wish to hang out with the “cool guys”, but life had told them that popular guys never befriended the nerds without needing something from them. 

“I want nothing more but for you to wing it!” Rich was way too happy for this situation to be real. Michael decided to stop interrupting him. That will only anger them both. He could always talk to Jeremy about it afterwards. His friend will catch on, he couldn't keep on ignoring the treat forever.

“This is why I bought this. If there's one thing that can make you famous, it's this awesome piece of technology.”

“What, Mountain Dew?”

Damn. He was supposed to close his mouth. He could not help himself. When Rich was surrounded by other jokers, he was invulnerable. It was good to have a bit of payback every once in a while. Plus, he didn't really care about Rich's opinion about him.

“Sorry I interrupted your awesome monologue. Keep going.”

Rich was now watching him as if he was the least interesting piece of garbage on earth and clutching the unopened shoe box like his life was depending on it. 

“You don't seem very interested, _headphones_. I'm starting to wonder if you really want to be cool?”

“He wants! He wants!” Jeremy barged in. “Don't you, Michael? Tell me Rich, w-what do we have to do?”

“Nothing. I'm starting to change my mind.”

He made a move to leave and Jeremy was instantly up. He stopped him from leaving and looked over at Michael with wide eyes and panic sweating from him.

“Wait, please! M-Michael! A word?”

Michael was confused but followed through. Jeremy led him a bit farther away, looked up at him and panicked a little bit.

“What are you _doing_ Michael? What's going on inside your head? Why are you ruining this?”

“It's a trap.” _Stop! Now's not the time to make references!_ “Do you really believe Rich does that out of pure kindness? No. He wants something from you.”

“F-From me?”

“He doesn't even look at me, of course it's you.”

“Well, there's nothing that I'm _not_ willing to give away to be cool so don't worry.”

“What the hell?! How is that supposed to reassure me?”

Jeremy was fidgeting. He kept throwing glances at Rich. Michael wondered what was going on in his brain. Was he going to stick up with him? Maybe... Maybe he was just too sceptical. Maybe he was messing up with Jeremy's chances of climbing up the social ladder. Anyway, Jeremy was supposed to take his side, right? He couldn't just  _ignore_ him. His watch suddenly biped.

“Wha-? Shit, 10:30!”

“Do we have to go?” Jeremy pleaded. “Can't you get your Cola later?”

“It's Pepsi and I have to go get it. Barry can't keep bottles hidden in Spencer forever. He's not even supposed to have them.”

In fact, a day or two couldn't hurt. But Michael wanted to see what Jeremy would do.

“But we haven't finished talking about this...”

“Lucky you, you get to decide for yourself. I don't believe in his bullshit, and I hope you will be smart enough to take the right decision. I'm going. You can... you can come with me if you want.”

He knew, he  _knew_ it wasn't right to argue with Jeremy about this subject. He had no right to be angry at him when the boy just got the chance to be popular offered to him on a plate. 

“I... Michael.”

Just as expected, Jeremy's eyes couldn't stand in place. They were alternating between Michael and Rich, unable to choose which one to follow. Michael sighed and patted his shoulder.

“Hey, I'm sorry. You can stay, I'll be back in 10 minutes top. Just don't... get too popular while I'm away, okay?.”

Jeremy offered him a weak smile. His eyes rested on Rich.

“Alright.”

Michael withdrew his hand and made a move to leave. Slowly, Jeremy returned to Rich. He seemed happy in his company, and Michael wondered if he hadn't made a mistake. Well, too late to go back now. It would be selfish of him to interrupt them right away. He decided to thrust his hands into his hoodie pockets and walk promptly to his meeting. The sooner the better.

 

“Wow, he's finally gone. Nice one, Jer.”

“What? Why?”

“You're a smart one. You knew Michael could never be popular and you sent him away. Nice going!”

“Uh... Hum... Yeah? T-Thank you.”

“'Kay so now that things are clear, seal the deal with this Dew and you'll be cool for the rest of your life!”

Rich stomped the bottle on the table. The clear green liquid splashed inside the small container. Jeremy took it with a shaky hand. He looked over to where Michael had disappeared and, awkwardly, took a sip.

“How does it taste?” Rich was giving him an eerie smile. 

“I don't know... Minty?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was not enlightening at all, Rich.


	3. Ignore me if you want but I won't ignore you like you do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy got squipped. Can Michael help him? Will our hoodied hero fall for the dark side too? Why am I breaking their friendship? So many questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit it's getting original. Going off script! Alert! Alert!

 The next day rolled by without Michael hearing from Jeremy once. Well, it was a lazy Sunday after all, but Michael kinda hoped that Jeremy would have reached out after the semi-fight they had at the mall. Nothing too important, but he was still worried. It wasn't like Jeremy to ditch him at the shopping mall. Saturday, when he had left to get his Crystal Pepsi, he assumed Jeremy would have waited for him at the cafe. He had driven him there after all. That had led to an awkward waiting by the cafe on his own. But he was not worried, no, Jeremy was his best friend after all!

Yet, Monday came by without Jeremy answering any of Michael's texts. He supposed Rich gave him a ride and Jeremy forgot to tell him. Heads up in the clouds, this boy. But maybe, just maybe, Jeremy could have reacted wrongly and was now angry at Michael. But hey, if Rich didn't want to be his friend, was it really his fault? Rich was a jerk. A small jerk. Did his friend truly want to hang out with him this much? Because there was no other reason why he would have left Michael alone at the mall.

He tried not to think about it too much. The situation was bizarre at most, but nothing would trouble their morning routine. Leaned by Jeremy's locker, Michael sent Jeremy a last 'u late bro' before pocketing his phone and waiting. It wasn't long before Jeremy came by, dashing his way through the crowd like a pro. When the thin boy finally arrived at his locker, Michael could tell that he was irritated. He was frowning and mumbling and hadn't even acknowledged Michael yet.

“Wow. Rough morning, uh?”

Nothing. Jeremy wasn't even looking at him.

“What's going on, are you still mad at me?”

Still nothing. Michael was almost rambling at this point.

“Is this about what I said at the mall? Are you just going to ignore me all day?”

“Shut up.” Jeremy suddenly grumbled, a bit louder than before. “I can make my choices on my own.”

Michael stood still, unable to move. The last bell has rung and there was nobody in the hall except him. That was  _him_ Jeremy was talking to. He waited for his friend to say something, explain himself, but Jeremy only grumbled more, closed his locker, and joined Rich with a plastered smile and a bounce in his pace. 

Rich that had been waiting for him a few feets away, Rich that threw his arm around Jeremy like Michael usually did. It was Rich's fault that Jeremy was acting like that.

Michael's bag fell on the ground. He skipped his first period.

 

* * *

 

He had kept a careful eye on Jeremy all day, but it was an accident when he finally got the chance to talk to him. He was just getting out of class when Jeremy almost stumbled on him.

“Michael! Where've you been all day?”

“Really? So you're not the one who's been avoiding me?”

There was more frustration than necessary in his voice, and Jeremy paused with a slight expression of shock. Had he been too rash? Wait, no. Jeremy started this. He's been the one to hang out with dudes he never met before like Rich and Jake and flirt with Brooke and everything. Not once had Jeremy spared him a glance.

“Seriously, what's going on?”

It was fine by Michael that Jeremy wanted to be part of the 'cool club', it was no surprise even. But he could use a bit more tact coming from his best friend because Jeremy  _knew_ that Michael wasn't going to change. Don't put words in his mouth, he was glad Jeremy was finally opening to the world. At last, the boy was able to breathe more properly and stutter less -yeah, Michael had stalked him a bit-. However, did he realised that Michael was part of the 'uncool club'? That if Jeremy wanted to be cool, Michael would be left behind? Unlike Jeremy, he couldn't change. I didn't want to. He was 80% sure that Jeremy knew this, at his instant. 

With the silence expanding, Michael began to shift nervously.

“What are you trying to do right now? You've been weird ever since we met Rich at the mall. What did he do to you? Are you... ok? Do you want to come over tonight? We could talk about it.”

Michael usually didn't 'talk' about things. He would smile his way through problems and walk on. Time arrow marches forward, and there was no time to lose by being gloomy in vain. He almost missed Jeremy's whiny voice.

“I already know what it's like to... be the loser.”

Michael's stomach dropped but he tried to not let it show. Something in Jeremy was resigned. His friend closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Michael thought that maybe he'll finally be getting an answer to his questions. No such luck.

“Optic Nerve Blocking: On.”

And that was the last sentence he heard directed at him for about a month.

 

* * *

 

In his defence, he had tried to contact him. A month is a lot when you're used to talking to someone every day. All his efforts to be acknowledged led to nothing. He was passed by in the hallway every day, his messages went unanswered, and the notes he left in Jeremy's locker always fell to the ground and got stomped on. At this point, he didn't know if he was sad or angry at Jeremy. Maybe both. They never had a fight that important and it was killing him. He didn't even know what caused it.

He lived his days through his headphones. Loud music allowed him to not think about... whatever was happening. Jeremy couldn't stay mad at him forever. On the other hand, it was a bit difficult to believe when Jeremy was spending all his time with Rich and Jake, and girls that Michael vaguely recognised as social sluts.

Michael was convinced Rich had something to do about it. He still believed in an elaborated prank that the short boy could be playing with his friend. He spied on him, waiting for the right time to strike. That time arrived quickly. One day, he followed Rich in the bathroom in-between classes and pinned him against the wall. That did not have the effect he was aiming for. Instead of flinching back, Rich was playing it off. It was like Michael was the one being threatened and not the other way around.

“Alright Rich, what did you do?”

“Whaddya mean, fag? You're the one holding me in the toilets.”

“That's not what I'm talking about, what did you do to Jeremy?!”

“Scared for your little boyf? I didn't do anything, he's the one that decided to get rid of you.”

Michael flinched. Usually, Rich's words meant nothing to him but with the recent events, it was hard to tell what was true and what was false. Jeremy hadn't even sent him one text message in the last month.

“What stops this?”

“Stops what?”

Michael shook Rich a little, just for the fun.

“That stupid thing you made him drink when I was not here! At the mall! A month ago! I'm not that stupid, I remember!”

For a split second, Michael swore he saw an expression of fear on the bully's face. It was strange because Rich's eyes were not directed at him when he whispered:

“Dew Red stops it...”

Almost instantly, Rich retracted on himself. He escaped Michael's grasp with more force than necessary and made a beeline towards the door. At the last moment, just like if he was forgetting something, he yelled at Michael.

“Find another hobby, homo.”

Michael decided to ignore his comment. Its only aim was to make the morons outside snicker. Instead, he focused on what Rich has whispered. Had he heard that right, was Rich talking about Mountain Dew Red?

As stupid as this sounded, Red might be his best shot at the time. This whole situation was surreal. Jeremy was not the kind of guy to leave a friend behind, something was forbidding him from talking. Something that had to do with Dew.

Green made Jeremy “cool”, maybe Red would make him reasonable again.

 

 


	4. Not a two-player game anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy stopped hanging out with Michael. Today Jer's the one trying to start a conversation.

Time passes by. Michael is alone.

He's done his research about Mountain Dew, he even bought every bottle he could get from his contact at Spencer's. All to no avail. He had f ound nothing on the internet that could help him understand what was going on with Jeremy. This must be some top-secret can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit that his friend was now involved in. Because yes, Michael believed Rich and his half-confession about Mountain Dew. He just had no occasion to give it to Jeremy. He hardly saw him anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

Walking in the corridor was more and more of a challenge as days passed. The last time someone talked to him was an eternity ago. No, actually, it was yesterday when the teacher had asked him if he was feeling well and if he had people to take care of him. He had lied his way through this one. There was no need for child protection to show up at his doorstep.

That evening, he was going back home after a class that, let's face it, could have gone better. He did not expect Jeremy to rush to him, in the parking lot of all places.

“Michael! It's been so long!”

Michael jumped as Jeremy's screeching voice stopped him in his tracks. He looked over to his right. Jeremy was coming, refreshed and excited. His very opposite.

“Yeah. Time really passes by when you're cool.”

He was tired and had no filter in his mouth. He regretted his words instantly as it made Jeremy frown. It was not a suitable expression to see on his buddy's face. Jeremy had definitely noticed the note of anger in his voice, and thankfully he did not stop there.

“I need to tell you about so many things dude, It's been such a crazy week,” Jeremy said.

“A week? You mean a month, right?”

Jeremy winced and his expression got darker. Michael sighed.

“Nevermind. What do you want?” 

“Look. It's deactivated, but not for long. I want you to try this. Then you can be cool like me!”

Jeremy held him a bottle of Mountain Dew. It was a green one. This reminded Michael of Rich's meeting at the mall. He looked at Jeremy who was grinning widely and he put all of his anger into these three words:

“The _fuck_ dude?”

“What?” Jeremy was taken aback. His hand lowered.

“You're not yourself if you think I'm gonna take your weird drug. I may be a stoner but I'm not taking everything that goes around. I'm not retarded.”

“Wait, no! I-It's not a drug! It's-”

“I'm not taking your drug, Jeremy.”

“Actually it's from Japan, it's a gray oblong pill-”

“I AM NOT TAKING YOUR STUPID DRUG, JEREMY!”

The burst of anger left his best friend speechless. Michael felt his hands turn into fists.

“What happened to you? Some bullies talk to you and suddenly you feel like you're the most important man on earth? Did you really try to give me quick in the school's parking lot?”

“This will make your life better!”

“My life was the best it could have been! Until Rich came and dragged you into whatever plan he has with you. Face it Jer, why on earth would Rich talk to us?”

“Well... They don't talk to us, they talk to _me_. Rich saw something in me, I can be cool.”

“But we'll be cool in college, remember? There's no need to change. High school is whack, I know. This is why we have to support each other. You're my… favwite pewson, bro.”

It was killing him to speak this much. Once more, Jeremy didn't notice. His eyes were watery and he was staring at Michael's car in fear of meeting his best friend's eyes.

“You can be cool in college alone. I need to be cool right now, for... for Christine.”

“You're not doing this naturally. It's weird.”

“Weird?!”

“Why do you need to bond with those jerks to be with Christine? May I remind you that they hate our guts?”

“They don't. They're very nice.”

“Excuse me if I have a hard time believing this. Rich doesn't like me. And last time I checked, he didn't like you either.”

Michael couldn't believe he was having this conversation. This was not how he thought their reconciliation would go. With every second, Jeremy was looking more and more on the verge of an emotional outburst.

“Rich is my friend now, too.” He replied with a flicker in his voice.

“No, he's not! He's making fun of you! This has to stop!”

“You're right.” A pause. Jeremy was thinking. “This has to stop.”

He looked at Michael one last time. His eyes were tinted with an electric blue color that Michael never saw before.

“If you can't be happy for me, then I don't want to see you ever again.”

Suddenly, his look went through him. The slender boy started to walk away. Michael frowned. He called him with anger in his voice.

“Jeremy, we're not finished! We have to talk about that Mountain Dew.”

His friend acted like he hadn't heard him. He kept on walking, never looking back and never unclenching his fists.

“Jeremy, come back!”

Now it was Michael's voice that was laced with fear. Jeremy was walking away.

“Jeremy.”

He never turned back.

 

* * *

 

Jeremy and Christine were closer than before. Michael wondered what was going on. He was beginning to doubt his theory of a prank. Rich seemed genuine when he was talking to Jeremy in the hall. Laughing with him. Jeremy was spending his lunches with Jake without being tormented, and Michael was no part of this. Jeremy hadn’t called him once and he seemed fine with it, and Michael felt like drowning. He had called him multiple times, texted him, refused to believe that his best friend was snubbing him. But each day he had to hold back the tears. Jeremy was popular now, Michael was just a burden. He began to skip more and more. After all, nothing was holding him at school.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael doesn't do random drugs. He always checks where they're from. Be like Michael.   
> This chapter is short, sorry.


	5. Crisis on Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael didn't get squipped, but being alone is killing him. That's not the only thing that's killing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally arrived at the Halloween party.

He made an effort to not look at Jeremy anymore. These days, it was just him and his music. Nothing else. His big white headphones were always on his ears, and it was no problem because there was nobody at school or at home to strike a conversation with him, thus no reason to live in the hullabaloo that was school inferno.

Except sometimes, Michael would put his headphones down and let the music die. Jeremy walking down the hall was an excuse good enough to turn down the music. Or when he brushed past Michael without a word. Or when his ex-best friend was talking to some other group and Michael wanted to hear if his name was being said. It was pathetic. Yet, hearing Jeremy's laugh was still comforting, even when it was not addressed to him.

This explains how, a few days later, Michael heard something he wasn't supposed to. He was waiting for his class, headphones up but not playing anything. The reason was that Jeremy was standing only a few feets away, giggling with Rich, Jake, and a few more bullies that Michael recognised as violent ones. He should have been listening to his music.

“So, about your party Jake, what loser should we pick this year?” One of the bullies said -Dustin?-.

They were talking about Jake's Halloween party that would be held in a week, and about the traditional invite-a-loser-to-kick-its-guts-in-front-of-everyone game that they cherished. Dustin was Rich's big brother. He was not supposed to be in their High School, but he was not the kind of guy to follow rules. He was an even bigger bully than his brother. Guess stupidity came with height in this family.

“I don't know Dusty, do you have a preference?”

Michael saw him scan the crowd. Dustin noticed Michael looking at them before he could lower his gaze to pretend to switch music. He knew Dustin was still observing him and tried not to wiggle uncomfortably.

“This one.”

“Who?” Jeremy asked.

The bully pointed at him blatantly.

“The fat gay loser over there.”

Well, there was no mistaking him with phrases like that. Michael tapped his foot on an imaginary rhythm to pretend to be listening to something captivating. He didn't need the group to know that he was peeping on them.

“Which one?” Jeremy asked again. Michael couldn't suppress a smile as he pictured Jeremy with a confused expression and an arched eyebrow to match his lack of understanding of the situation. Right then, he heard his friend grunt. Had someone hurt him? “Urg! O-oh, you mean the one by the locker?”

There was not a lot of people today. Two girls were chatting energetically on his right and some twig was putting books in his locker on his left. None of them were fat or gay.

“C'mon Heere! Open your eyes! The one by the locker, yes. The red one.”

“Red? I don't s... Oh, uh, yeah. Why not.”

Michael almost dropped his phone.

“Wow.” Jake interfered. “Isn't he your friend? I thought you knew him.”

“What? Of course not. I don't know him.” Jeremy said with complete honesty.

Michael's stomach flipped. It was nearly impossible for him not to look over. He knew he had to go. His eyes were stinging. He turned around with the excuse to search something in his bag. His heart clenched painfully. He closed his bag and stormed away. How could he? Something was dreadfully fucked. But right now he couldn't think of who or why, he just knew he couldn't stay.

 

* * *

 

The week passed, as uneventful as it had been for the last one. Except for that day when Rich came by to invite him to Jake's rave-like party. Michael played pretend. He feigned surprise. Rich told him some dull reason for the invite, something like "wanting to make you as cool as Jer". Michal knew the real reason though. He knew this was a prank. But what could he do? He had to go. That was his chance to give Mountain Dew to Jeremy! And maybe, maybe things would go back to normal. Jeremy was not that kind of guy. The only reason Michael saw for his behaviour was that he wasn't in his right mind. And if Rich had told the truth, he needed... Mountain Dew Red?

Okay, that was  _really_ hard to believe but that was also his only solution. This night was the night he would save his friend. If not... then he was wrong and Jeremy was actually leaving him behind of his own will.

 

* * *

 

Before leaving for the party, Michael packed his backpack with the widest variety of Mountain Dew he had. Green, Red, Blue, Yellow, Purple, every fucking color he could find. His backpack was big and bumpy but Michael didn't care. He arrived at the party late, and the scent of teenage debauchery immediately jumped to his nose. Football players and cheerleaders were everywhere. Most of them were already showing off their muscles. There were more abs and boobs than in a sports magazine.

Michael couldn't find Jeremy. It wasn't long before the party began to be too crowded for him. It was right when he decided he needed a pause that Dustin found him.

“Yo, Michael! You did it!”

“Yeah well, I was going to... the bathroom if you excuse me.”

“No way dude, you need to come with me! We're going where the people are!”

Dustin dragged Michael in the living room, where everybody was. Michael saw the bathroom door getting smaller and smaller, and as more and more people appeared in his field of vision, Michael regretted not wearing his hoodie and his headphones. Dustin had started talking to someone. He still hadn't let go of Michael's wrist. He tried wriggling way out of the bully's grasp, but it was impossible. The other guy was too strong. Michael started to panic.

“Dustin, let me go.”

“Why?”

“Please! Let me go!” His touch was burning him. Someone was pulling his backpack. Michael's breath was already coming in gasps.

“No way _headphones_. You've been elected 'loser of the year'. Don't want to miss your chance now, do you?”

Michael suddenly remembered what was the favorite game played at parties like this. He was going to get beaten up. He had been so concerned with Jeremy that he had forgotten to think about his situation.

Dustin threw him at the center of a small circle of douches. Before he could get his grounding, he got punched in the stomach and his breath left him. He stumbled against the table. The crowd parted away as the drinks fell on the floor. He was stuck between the wall, the newly broken table and a bully that wanted to get rid of him. At least he wasn't gasping in panic when he got his breath back.

“Aaah. Feels good.” Dustin smirked.

The mob made a half-circle around them. What was wrong with people? Why were bullies so popular? Was the survival of the fittest still a thing? Michael thought they were past beyond that time.

He got punched more. His shoulder, his head, his stomach again... He couldn't see straight because his glasses were cracked. Everything hurt already. He winced as another hit came for his ribs, and got ejected on the floor.

“Hey, look at this geek. Can't stand a few shots. Wanna see how much it'll take before he can't stand at all?”

People cheered. Some girls giggled. Michael recognized Jake's head topping the crowd. He was studying him from afar. Michael eyed him with hope but Jake hesitated, took a beer and left his field of vision. Michael scanned the assistance for help. No one was standing out for him. Every blew hurt more than the preceding one and Michael could feel blood clustering in his mouth now.

“Hey, Jer!” He heard Dustin says. “Wanna join in?”

Jeremy. Jeremy was here. Through the fog that was starting to cloud his view, Michael saw that Jeremy was standing straight with a red solo cup in his hand. Yet, what he could see well enough was that the skinny boy was avoiding to look at him. But he was definitely turned towards him, and it's not like he could miss the show. He was the one getting beaten the crap out of in the middle of a party. Why wasn't he doing anything? He was getting punched to death here and Jeremy was... Jeremy was doing nothing to prevent this. Jeremy raised his glass to his lips but stopped himself from drinking at the last minute.

“Uh... No thanks. Have fun by yourself.”

Tears blurred his vision. He sent a last pitiful glance at the blue blur but he was already gone, led away by some girl dressed in fur.

He stopped moving when he got punched. He was too tired. Dustin was taking his rage out on him and Michael couldn't protect himself. He couldn't even get himself to care when Dustin threw a kick that made his hand crack weirdly.

When the bully got tired, the crowd scattered. He was left alone on the floor. Someone dropped a glass right next to his face.

Life took up its course again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy. Jeremy was Heere.   
> And here goes my sanity, sorry everybody. Leaving you on a cliff-hanger is not very nice, I know.


	6. Leaving (everything)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael was beaten up at the Halloween party. Now it's time to talk to Jeremy. And I mean really talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You escaped Michael in the bathroom but you won't escape Michael in the classroom.

He could have stayed sprawled on the floor all night, but the party was ringing in his head too much. The voices were too loud and he was walked upon. He hated it. He wanted nothing but to curl on himself and disappear into a crack. However, he couldn't do that. His best shot was to make it home -or make it to his car at least- and be dead to the world. Almost literally.

He tried to stand up. His left arm was wobbling. There was blood in his mouth and  he couldn't spit it. His glasses were nowhere to be seen. He didn't have time to look for them. He carried his ribcage with his right arm and helped himself up thanks to the now broken table. He'd done it, he's standing. Now all he had to do was to wobble his way out. His foot hit something and he almost tripped. His backpack. Untouched but covered with shit. With a strength he didn't know he had, he lifted it and dragged it out with him.

Then someone grabbed his arm.

Pain irradiated and Michael flinched. Someone was yelling at his face. The guy didn't seem to care if Michael saw him, he kept on yelling until Michael's world cleared up.

“--PHONES! TELL ME! DO YOU HAVE IT?”

“Wha- what?”

“I NEED MOUNTAIN DEW RED!”

As Michael gradually sorted things out, he understood that Rich was the one shaking him. He suddenly felt extremely angry. That was one of the last things he could feel. And with anger came strength. He pulled himself out of his grip and threw Rich his whole backpack.

“Would you fucking STOP with Mountain Dew? If you really want it, take it! TAKE THEM ALL! I don't fucking care anyway!”

Rich went quiet as he fumbled into Michael's supplies. Michael didn't care. He hobbled to his car and stayed there all night, unable to move without hurting himself even more. He was cold and hurt and alone. His phone stayed silent because Jeremy didn't fucking care either. No one called him to know if he made it home, or if Dustin finished the job or if Michael was still _fricking alive_.

More tears spilled. He felt light-headed but not for the good reasons. He wanted Jeremy but at the same time, he didn't want to see his face. Maybe he just needed someone to talk to. But why would anyone in their right mind want to be with him? He was just a loser. An anti-social kid with a newfound party anxiety.

His foot hurt. It might be bleeding too. The car went from cold to tomb-like. He just had a sweater on him and he was not used to wearing such light clothes. Being cold was the reason why Michael finally moved. He started his car and miraculously made it home without an accident. There was nobody there, obviously, and Michael slowly limped to the bathroom. His sweater was covered with so many different beverages that he might just squeeze a punch out of it. He poorly took off his clothes and felt on his bed, slept away the rest of the night and most of the next day along. He skipped an entire week, and no one batted an eye.

From what he heard, Jake's Halloween party was a success.

 

* * *

  

Monday would be his last chance. He would talk to Jeremy and clear things up. He went to class without listening. Teachers scolded him for his absence. He didn't care, and he knew they didn't care either. He was only waiting for Jeremy to end his day so that he could confront him and _maybe_ get out of this whole mess that was his life right now. He's got more Mountain Dew Red. Maybe this time he'll get Jeremy to drink it.

He was patched up a bit. His ribs were still sore and his black eye was just starting to disappear, but he was bandaged and he had his old glasses on, so he felt a bit better than a week ago. Not much, but better enough to talk to Jeremy. His clothes didn't cover all of his bandages but he didn't know if he wanted Jeremy to notice them. Only time would tell.

He met Jeremy twice this day and both times sent him a meaningful look. Somehow, Jeremy didn't notice them. So Michael waited. He knew which course was Jeremy's last one and waited outside of his classroom. Each minute, his grip on the Mountain Dew tightened. He was not thinking about anything in particular, but he held on this bottle as if he was holding on for his dear life. When the bell rang, students escaped as quickly as possible, except for Jeremy who packed up his stuff and tiptoed until everyone was out, then he went back to his desk and sat there. Like he was waiting for him. Michael entered the classroom. Jeremy was there, looking out the window and tapping his finger quickly.

“... Jeremy?”

Michael tried to call him. His voice was shaking. It's been so long since they'd been in the same room together. He didn't know if he wanted to hug him or to murder him. His voice gained in confidence, and he tried to raise it.

“Jeremy?”

“Okay so, we're alone now. What did you want to talk about? And why not wait until home?”

Michael's skin tingled. It's been so long.

“What? What are you talking about? It's been... Months since we've last talked!”

Michael waved widely, moving the bottle up and down in the process, but Jeremy stayed still. The lanky boy tapped his foot in impatience. Michael calmed down. Getting mad would lead him nowhere.

“Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you're all right. You've been acting shady ever since that day at the mall. Rich told me you needed Dew Red? Is that... Is that for real?”

A pause. Jeremy started to talk very slowly as if he was choosing his words carefully.

“Richard has become a loser, thus I will not talk to him any further.”

“What the hell-? Are you listening to yourself, Jer? That's not you!”

Jeremy made no indication that he was hearing him. Michael went to grab his shoulder when suddenly, Jeremy's gaze flew toward him. It was a lazy look. As if Jeremy was tired to see him every day. His head was resting on his hand. He had stopped tapping and was now resignedly waiting. Michael jumped backwards. Though he knew this would happen, he couldn't help but be ashamed of his black eye and of the places where his bandages showed.

“Go on,” Jeremy said, a bit irritated.

It was so hard to have Jeremy looking at him again. He had longed for his attention but now that he had it he couldn't stand it. It seemed like Jeremy couldn't stand it either. His eyes were obviously looking at him, but Michael couldn't shake the feeling that he was looking _through_ him. As if he was _invisible_. But that wasn't possible and every time Jeremy's eyes flickered elsewhere, Michael lost a bit more self-confidence.

“O-Ok. I need you to drink this, Jeremy.”

He finally put the bottle down on the table. The anger he felt coming from Jeremy stopped him from placing the bottle farther than the very edge of the table. He friend had not acknowledged it. He ignored the bottle as he had ignored Michael for weeks.

“Why?” Jeremy asked.

“It will help you.”

“I don't know...”

“It will! Rich told me...” Michael got distracted. He thought back to his “conversation” with Rich and sadly found no valid argument to bring up.

“You have to try it, please, do it for me.”

Jeremy put his hands down on the table. He was looking very serious.

“I'll never do that.”

“Please, I... I... Jeremy...”

Jeremy said nothing. Michael found it hard to talk. He had no spit.

“I want to know... I need to know if our friendship's still a... Still a thing. 'Cause, you know... You're my favorite person and I... like you. But... you hadn't shown me a lot of attention lately and... Do you still want to hang out with me?”

“WHAT? No!”

Michael felt a jolt of electricity rush through him. It was his turn to go silent.

“I can't do that. How can you even ask me? That's... Oh my god, are you crazy? I don't want to be part of that, in _any_ way.”

Jeremy was still looking away. Michael's eyes started to water. His lips moved on their own.

“Jeremy. This is important. I need to know if you're serious. Can you repeat that while looking at me?”

Obediently, Jeremy rested his eyes on Michael again. He was impassive.

“That _whole_ thing you're asking? That's bullshit.”

“That thing... Our friendship?” His voice cracked.

“Yeah.”

“B-B... Bullshit...” The sentence was no more than a whisper.

He didn't expect an answer this time. He finally cracked and started sobbing. In a classroom. In front of Jeremy. Five full minutes passed with him screaming at the top of his lungs and cradling on the floor without Jeremy moving an inch. He felt like his eyes were burning with the tears and that he would tear off his skin from clutching his sides through his hoodie. _He couldn't stand_. He was kneeling in the dust on the floor. He couldn't see shit because his glasses were too fogged to tell whether Jeremy was moving or not. His mouth was making these strange noises between sobs and yells. His bandages were coming off. _He couldn't think._ And he couldn't _breathe_ , he couldn't take a fucking proper breath. He was somewhere between a breakdown and a panic attack. He was just a loser with a breathing problem.

Jeremy moved without warning, causing Michael's attention to focus on him for a bit. He spoke in that same unbothered lazy tone, and Michael heard him. He didn't know how, but he heard Jeremy's high pitched voice through his screams. And the words burned his skin as if they were made of glass shards.

“How long is this gonna take?”

Michael felt sick. He couldn't stay here, the classroom was becoming too small for him. Jeremy's mere presence was engulfing him whole. It wasn't reassuring him like it had before. Now Jeremy's presence was a threat. A feeling he couldn't shake off. He got up, rage suddenly flourishing, and slammed his hands on the table. Immediately, his left hand flared up in pain, and he retracted it with a groan. Jeremy jumped like a deer caught in the headlights. The soda fell on the floor. Michael couldn't stop the sobs but he managed to speak, or at least stutter his sentence.

“F-f-fuck you-ou, Jer-my. Goo-od luck be-e-ing p-popular-r.”

Then he stormed off, somehow managing to walk out of class without stumbling, to finally disappear.

 

* * *

 

Jeremy looked at the table like it was haunted -and it might just be, the thing just bounced by itself- and back at his Squip. Then the door slammed open and Jeremy jumped once more. He was still on the lookout when his Squip spoke.

_“Well, that's taken care of.”_

The door was swaying with the force of the impact, but Keanu was looking at it with a satisfied grin. Jeremy was completely lost. What had been taken care of?

“Shit, what is happening right now?”

_“Do not preoccupy with this, Jeremiah and let me applause you. You've taken one more step into popularity. Congratulation.”_

Long forgotten, the Mountain Dew Red dripped bit by bit on the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first, I wanted Jeremy to list Michael's defaults and call him a loser in the end, but it wasn't... good enough. I think there's a big difference between being told to be a loser and getting there by yourself. Have I done enough to screw up our beloved Michael?


	7. Jeremy and his past mistakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party is over. Michael is gone.

Jeremy woke up somewhere between 10 and 11 am. He was not sure. He had bigger problems to take care of. Like, why the hell was he at the hospital?

Surprisingly, his father was here too -in his pants, what the hell happened. He was dozing off in a chair next to his bedhead. Knowing his father, if he didn't make any noise, he would be left alone for a bit longer.

He started to recollect his memories. The first month of school was jarring. He remembered Rich in the bathroom, the small-talk about being cool, the meeting at the mall. Then he got the Squip and had made new friends. New cool friends. He had quite a good time.

Honestly, he had forgiven Rich for giving him the Squip without asking. Keanu had done a great job at raising him. He had taught him how to hang out with girls and to be cool in the face of casualties, how to stop fidgeting and stammering. He had a girlfriend. Just like that, Jeremy had been sucked up in the “cool world”. Something he hadn't been able to teach himself in his whole life. It wasn't so bad.

Recently though, things have started to go crazy. The Squip was actually an evil supercomputer. Who could have guessed?

He had to concentrate to remember where things have started to go wrong. He squeezed his eyes shut and raised a hand to his head to massage them. Nothing was coming back. All this was starting to give him a migraine.

“Yo. You awake?”

Jeremy's head sprung to the left. He hadn't seen the other chair, farther away, with Rich seated on it. When Jeremy moved, Rich stood up and came close to his bed. His father snored.

“Finally. Took your time, princess. Ah, sorry. Force of habit. Didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”

“Rich you... You have a lisp?”

He couldn't help but smile at the idea. Rich frowned.

“Not cool Jer. I didn't come to be made fun of.”

“Yeah, why did you came for? Actually... Why am I here in the first place?”

“Oh, so... You don't remember?”

“No, nothing.”

The ex-bully made a face. Jeremy couldn't decide if that was a good or a bad thing. With a hint of amusement, Rich cocked up his head and said:

“... You brought vodka at the play to give you confidence, but you stripped-teased in front of everyone and passed out when the teacher grounded you.”

“WHAT? I could never... I can't... I don't even like vodka!”

Rich doubled over. His father moved a little but didn't wake up. Jeremy was actually worried that something was wrong with his friend, but then he heard Rich silently snicker.

“Are you... Are y-you making fun of me?”

“Really? I tell you that you made an awesome strip-tease and you answer me that you don't like vodka? Ha! Jeremy, you're amazing.”

“Rich...”

Jeremy waited patiently for his friend to find his bearings and stop twitching, then he nudged him in the arm.

“Stop it. I need to know.”

“Ok ok... That's an awesome story by the way, too bad you don't have a clue about what happened.”

“I'll remember in time, I'm sure. Tell me the big lines.”

“Here it goes.”

Rich told him about the play. It was hard to concentrate with his lisp disrupting him but he helped a lot nonetheless. Jeremy regained his memories one by one, in sync with Rich's story.

The play had been... hectic. Everyone had got squipped at some point. It was horrible. Keanu had turned out evil. He never regretted a decision so much in his life. Then his savior came: Rich. The small boy had jumped on the scene, squeezed himself through the mass and forced Jeremy to drink Mountain Dew Red with an armlock. After what they all passed out. The thing was terrifying Jeremy to the core.

“It was so scary man, you all fell like pawns.”

“Whoa. Rich. Thanks. If it wasn't for you I would have squipped the whole school or worse, maybe all of human civilization.”

“Don't get ahead of yourself.”

“No, for real. Thank you.”

There was such honesty in Jeremy's voice that Rich couldn't help but flinch. Jeremy noticed it.

“Yeah, about that... ” Rich said. “That wasn't me.”

Jeremy wiggled in his bed. The Squip came to his mind.

“That wasn't you? Rich, you're scaring me.”

“Oh, no! I was the one chocking you with Red, but I shouldn't be the one to thank for it.”

“Then who?”

“Your buddy, anti-social headphone kid?”

Jeremy froze. Michael! He had completely forgotten about him. What was he doing? Why wasn't he here with them? For some reason, he couldn't remember seeing him a lot... Unaware of his hesitation, Rich kept on rambling.

“I couldn't get the hold of any Dew Red. I was going crazy, man! I almost lost it at Jake's party. Honest. Without your buddy, I'll be laying here with you.”

Some memories came by. The ones where he had tried to talk to Michael. At the time, Jeremy had dismissed him as being a jealous prick.

“Oh my god, Michael.”

“So you... know where he is?”

“You don't?” Worry was already present in his voice. “I... 'Cause I couldn't see him...”

“Aaaaaand here goes my plan.”

“What?”

“I was gonna ask you if you knew about him. I wanted to thank your buddy for giving me Dew Red at Jake's, but I can't find him anywhere.”

That wasn't good. The pause stretched for as long as Jeremy needed to recollect himself. The only sound in the room was the one his cricking bed made.

“What does that mean?” Jeremy asked.

“Nobody heard about headphones kid since the party. I asked the teachers. He doesn't show up at school anymore.”

“No, that's impossible. Michael's not very social, but he's not invisible. He always wears his red hoodie, and he's got big white headphones, and he doesn't care about what the other thinks about 'cause he's always dancing in the hallways and...”

“Whoa, whoa, calm down. You're gonna wake him up.”

Jeremy shat up but didn't calm down. He couldn't. Not when he had no news about Michael. Where could his best friend have gone? He was supposed to be at school, what had happened that had him skipping? Since how long? That was going to be difficult to answer because Jeremy remembered clearly how he had nerved-blocked his best friend.

He was getting ready to solve this problem when he heard a shift by his side. Rich's anxious stare stopped him from thinking.

“C-Can I have a minute?”

“Right, yeah, ok. 'Going to get a drink. Uh... 'Coming back soon.”

Rich left hastily and Jeremy was alone with his thoughts. Well, what was left of them. Now about his friend. What could he remember about Michael? Michael was his best friend, he would have been here in the hospital for him. Jeremy knew the two meetings he remembered were not the only thing that had happened to his red-hoodied friend. He missed _something_.

Ever since he had gotten the Squip, Jeremy noticed something was off about his friend. He had first classed it as jealousy, but now he could see that it was something else. What was it? A memory of the hallway emerged, when he had barely spared a word to his friend before willingly blocking him out completely to rush back to his cool friends. There too, Michael had acted strangely. What was it? That improvised meeting in the parking lot -Michael had looked very tired- when he had tried to give his friend a Squip. Good thing he hadn't taken it. But it wasn't weariness that held on Michael this day. _What was it?_ Coming to think of it, that day hadn't ended up well. Michael and he had fought. They had yelled at each other. When was the last time they had been angry enough to actually shout like that? And what had happened after? He remembered telling Michael he never wanted to see him again and then... He... never saw him...again...

His head was aching.

What was Michael's voice on this day? What was this emotion? Jeremy couldn't remember if he had been angry or afraid. He'd definitely been angry. But after that? After he left? Jeremy could hear a faint voice calling his name.

“Jeremy, come back!”

It was fear. Michael was afraid.

Jeremy had gripped his head in the struggle and his breath was coming in rags. The pain was killing him now, but at least what was wrong appeared to him clearly: The Squip had blocked Michael from his field of vision, therefore he couldn't see him at the time. But his friend had been present more than twice, thus his memories of the first months were altered. Now, however, the fog dissipated and Michael emerged, one by one, into all of his memories.

A sharp pain in the head stopped him from thinking furthermore and he fell into the twirl that was his memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rich makes an entraaaance!  
> Special thanks to jayrotrash and thebookmen2 for their comments. Love you guys!


	8. Memories unlocked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeremy got his memories back, the ones where Michael is present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you find this chapter interesting. May this convince you to never buy a Squip.  
> BTW, Jeremy took his sweet sweet time.

It was not pleasant, to have his memories altered one by one, but Jeremy was more than glad for it because it meant that he could remember how much of a shitty friend he had been.

Michael had constantly talked to him the first week, even knowing he wouldn't get an answer. Then there was the issue at the parking lot when he had tried to give Michael a Squip, and Michael stopped interacting too much. Jeremy had been a jerk when his best friend had only tried to pick up the pieces.

 

* * *

 

After that... Shit had started to go down. Tears were filling Jeremy's eyes as each happy scene he remembered switched into a more depressing one.

A memory of the hallway appeared. He watched a scene where Jake, Dustin and some other guy were talking about Jake's Halloween party. Michael appeared, leaned against a locker. Michael had his headphones on, but... no, he wasn't listening to his music. He was listening to them. And they were choosing the loser they'll pick on at the party. Then, Dustin pointed at Michael over the hallway, and Jeremy's stomach tightened.

“This one.”

“Who?” Jeremy heard himself ask. His friend was uncomfortable, but he wasn't able to help him. He was a mere observer in this situation.

“The fat gay loser over there.” Dustin continued.

Jeremy saw Michael's expression change. It was insignificant, but the statement had hurt him.

“Which one?” Jeremy had an arched eyebrow to match his lack of understanding of the situation but then, the Squip zapped him. By reflex, he played it off.

“Urg! O-oh, you mean the one by the locker?”

“C'mon Heere! Open your eyes! The one by the locker, yes. The red one.” Dustin affirmed, getting annoyed.

“Red? I don't s... Oh, uh, yeah. Why not.”

The first time, Michael had been invisible to him. Now, he saw the exact moment Michael's hope crumbled. It was now. For a second, his friend's face hardened. He turned around, looking for something in his backpack.

“Wow.” Jake interfered. “Isn't he your friend? I thought you knew him.”

“What? Of course not. I don't know him.”

Michael left hurriedly.

 

* * *

 

Memories came without a pause. Now his friend was ignoring him in the corridors, just like he had done previously. He had his headphones on and his hoodie up most of the time. Knowing Michael, he was going to bear with it until he couldn't anymore. He would never tell a teacher for assistance.

 

* * *

 

The next intense memory came without a warning. Jeremy found himself at Jake's party. The lights were on, it was loud. He had a red solo cup with no alcohol in yet.

 _“Enjoy the party Jeremiah, we have an important matter to deal with later on.”_ His Squip said. _“It is also of the foremost importance that you don't drink... yet.”_

Jeremy didn't even question the Squip's advice. He got himself a cup -to be like everyone else, not to drink it- and walked to the loudest part of the house. There, a guy was showing off his muscles in front of a way-too-excited crowd. The brawny guy said something. People cheered. Some girls giggled. Then, he heard his name being said. The guy in the center was actually Dustin, Rich's older brother.

“Hey, Jer! Wanna join in?”

Join what? The show-off? He wasn't strong enough to do that. Obviously, the sentence made more sense now that he could see Michael. The bloody, broken Michael with a torn up 'creep' shirt that was laying in fear on the ground. Michael that looked at him expectantly. He wanted to react, to yell at Dustin for being such a brute, to shout at everyone for doing nothing, but he couldn't. It was just a memory. He felt his body move but he couldn't concentrate on what he was doing, as he was too focused on the vision of Michael on the ground. Instead, he said:

“Uh... No thanks. Have fun by yourself.”

He was going to be ill. Dustin was clobbering Michael with hits and no one made a fucking move. Before he could think more deeply into it, Brooke grabbed his hand and he was dragged away somewhere else.

Tears blurred his eyes. He sent a last pitiful glance at the red blur that Michael had become before the vision changed.

 

* * *

 

Could his memories become even more painful? It seemed so.

The next one startled him. He was in the classroom by himself. Keanu had asked for a one-to-one meeting. That usually meant that he was able to talk aloud, and that was a relief because Jeremy never liked the idea of talking to himself. So here he was, waiting in the classroom for his Squip to start the conversation, but it was not Keanu that talked first.

“... Jeremy?”

He couldn't see him but he knew Michael had entered. Oh no. Jeremy had no memory of this one but he knew something wrong was about to happen. Michael's voice gained in confidence.

“Jeremy?”

“Okay so, we're alone now. What did you want to talk about? And why not wait until home?” Obviously, he had to start talking _now_ of all time.

“What? What are you talking about? It's been... Months since we've last talked!” Michael whined.

He still couldn't see his friend. His own face was turned toward the window. Michael sounded in pain, as if this was his last chance. He was fighting against himself and Jeremy didn't like that at all.

“Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you're all right. You've been acting shady ever since that day at the mall. Rich told me you needed Dew Red? Is that... Is that for real?”

Was he really worried about him? Jeremy's condition should be the last of his problems. Keanu powered up at his side.

_“Jeremiah, we have to take care of one clingy problem. First, about that Richard boy... You cannot talk to him anymore. Repeat after me: Richard has become a loser, thus I will not talk to him any further.”_

“Richard has become a loser, thus I will not talk to him any further,” Jeremy repeated, as asked.

“What the hell-? Are you listening to yourself, Jer? That's not you!”

 _“Good. Now, about that other subject...”_ The Squip's voice got deeper. _“Jeremiah, look at me.”_

Jeremy turned toward the Squip, and he almost fainted. He could see Michael, and his friend looked terrible. His hair was flying in all directions, his old glasses were not fitting him and... this was definitely a black eye. It must have happened at the party. He was also very much aware of the bandages covering a lot of his friend's skin. He saw his tan-skinned friend rubbing at one absent-mindedly. It hit him that Michael may have been terrified of him, and of his judgement. Worse even, Keanu's image was flickering just above Michael. His position reflected his best friend's one, though he managed to look more confident and more threatening than his friend. He was taller to, and his figure was transparent. You could see Michael through the holographic image. He was not looking good, though at the time Jeremy had eyes only for the sizzling shape of the Squip.

“Go on,” Jeremy said.

“O-Ok. I need you to drink this, Jeremy.”

Jeremy almost lost it. Michael had put down a bottle of Mountain Dew Red on the table. He had done research for him! He had found Dew Red! His spirit lifted. For a second, he forgot this was a memory and that he couldn't see him at the time.

_“We need to get take care of our next threat: Jake. He is very dangerous. Oh, so dangerous.”_

That's when Jeremy understood it. The Squip was guiding his answers. Keanu was the only one aware of the situation. He knew how Jeremy would answer. Michael... he didn't know that his best friend had a Squip. And Jeremy couldn't see his pal. Only Keanu was watching them both carefully, like a bird of prey on the hunt.

“Why?”

“It will help you,” Michael answered.

 _“Jake has a hold of  Christine's heart at the moment.”_ The Squip intervened. _“There is a simple solution to this problem. Are you smart enough to find out what it is?”_

“I don't know...”

“It will! Rich told me...” Michael paused, taking a deep breath. “You have to try it, please, do it for me.”

_“Can you give up on Christine?”_

“I'll never do that,” Jeremy replied to both.

_“Then there is something else, but you won't like it. Listen carefully:...”_

“Please, I... I... Jeremy...”

Michael was on the verge of tears. Jeremy had absolutely no idea what he was going to say. He waited anxiously for his friend to start talking. This had to be serious because Michael didn't talk about his feelings a lot. He always stuffed everything into a small compartment in his head. So, crying for someone? Out of the question. It was clear that he had a hard time telling that to himself right now.

“I want to know... I need to know if our friendship's still a... still a thing. 'Cause, you know... You're my favorite person and I... like you. But... you hadn't shown me a lot of attention lately and... Do you still want to be friend with me?”

Oh god. Yes, I do.

_“I have plans to get rid of Jake... Plans to kill him.”_

“WHAT? No!” Jeremy barked.

Michael jumped and shut his mouth. He was terrified. This was horrible to watch.

_“Won't you do it?”_

“I can't do that. How can you even ask me? That's... Oh my god, are you crazy? I don't want to  be part of that, in _any_ way.”

Michael's eyes watered and his mouth wavered.

“Jeremy. This is important. I need to know if you're serious. Can you repeat that while looking at me?”

_“Jeremiah. This is extremely important. I need you to look at me in the eyes: Can you repeat that?”_

Keanu was bend so that his eyes were at the same level as Michael's. His friend was mentally on the verge. He knew it. He wanted nothing but to jump into Michael's arms, to hold him until this... nightmare was over. But he had no control over this.

“That _whole_ thing you're asking? That's bullshit.”

“That thing... Our friendship?” Michael's voice cracked with a whine.

 _“That thing... Killing Jake?”_ The Squip's voice cracked with thrill.

“Yeah.”

“B-B... Bullshit...” Michael repeated.

Michael lost it. He started crying, wailing and shouting incomprehensible sputtered words.

The Squip smiled. He was content. He straightened up and looked into the distance.

_“Wait a minute. I need to collect data.”_

Damn bastard wasn't collecting data, gotta tell you.

Michael fell to the ground and stayed there for an eternity. His breath was uneven. He had his hands by his sizes in what looked like his last agonizing hook on reality. 

Jeremy crossed his leg and sighed. This got Michael's attention somehow, as he made less noise to hear him.

“How long is this gonna take?”

Jeremy felt sick again. Michael had actually heard that. His friend tensed. He stopped moving completely. Then something in him snapped and he sprung on his feet, banging his hands on the table and retreating his left one immediately with a grunt. His face was lost.

“F-f-fuck you-ou, Jer-my. Goo-od luck be-e-ing p-popular-r.”

Michael stormed off, slamming the door on his way out. The memory disappeared slowly, as if it wanted Jeremy to suffer through this longer than necessary. He knew when this had happened. It wasn't too long ago, barely a week. But so much could go wrong in a few days.

A whine escaped his lips. He felt a tear. He really fucked up, didn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Michael: That thing...  
> Squip: ThAt ThInG!


	9. Michael, find Michael!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Jeremy remembered being an asshole and now he has to find Michael. Jake and Rich are being good friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An angst-free chapter? Kinda. Our boys never got a breather.  
> Sorry it's a short one.

He didn't register his father waking up, or Rich entering the room. Jeremy was panting hard. He was a little disoriented and his friend had to wave a hand in front of his face to catch his attention. His father was there but he was unsure of what to do. He began to soothe him with the experience only a father could have.

“You okay, tall ass?” Rich asked.

“Son?”

Jeremy moved but his throat was dry. He gasped when his father's hand settled on his shoulder. He finally acknowledged them both and his expression dropped.

“I just... I have to know where Michael is...”

Rich read his mind and silently gave him his phone. Jeremy unlocked it and gasped. He had 127 new notifications from Michael. His hand wobbled and his phone almost fell on the bed. He first called Michael but, as expected, nobody answered. He decided it was time to read his messages. He knew that he couldn't read them all, and that made his stomach twist. It was paining him that he had to skip the most part, but he didn't have a choice. There were just too many texts to read.

_Player 2:_

_[want to come over today? Btw you left me hanging at the mall. Not cool.]_

This one was easy to guess: Saturday at the mall when he got his Squip. However, days began to blur with each other from there on, the more he read the less he could remember what he was doing on those days.

_Player 2:_

_[u late bro]_

_..._

_[I get that you can't talk to me at school but do you really have to ignore me when I'm on your doorstep?]_

_..._

_[Bastard, answer me!]_

_[Sorry. Didn't mean to call you bastard. Please talk to me.]_

The messages were frightening him but he had to keep scrolling down. There was a sense of overwhelming doom that was creeping up his spine the more he read. Needless to say, he didn't like where this was going.

_Player 2:_

_[m not kidding Jer. one day I'll break your neck.]_

_[And then kiss you violently. Forever.]_

_[Shit can you un-read this? Srry i'm high.]_

_…_

_[text me]_

_…_

_[if I say i'm gonna kill myself, will you come over?]_

_[don't feel like anyone would come over]_

_[do you even read those? I feel very stupid.]_

_…_

_[that's the 100th message I sent you. congrats on me yeay]_

_..._

_[i, nreed help]_

_[jermy]_

_[plaese]_

And that was it. No new notifications since this “plaese” four days ago. Jeremy felt so bad he almost puked. He looked up to his father and Rich that were waiting for a reaction. Jeremy gulped before talking.

“Jeremy, are you feeling well?”

“...I'm fine.”

 

* * *

 

Thankfully, he was released rather soon. After clobbering the whole hospital with his pleas, the doctors made sure he had no dire consequence and was released as soon as he could stand. His father drove them straight home. Jeremy couldn't help but stare at the bumpy road to Michael's when they crossed his street. Time was flying too fast. He felt like he owned every second he had to Michael, and he couldn't bare going that much longer without him.

Surprisingly, when he arrived home, there was a car he didn't know up in their driveway.

“Jeremy, there's nothing wrong with having friends over,” his father said, “but you should warn me next time. And maybe wait for a little longer before inviting your friends over?”

“But I didn't...”

Before he could utter a single more word, Rich got out of the passenger seat of the car, closely followed by Jake who was at the wheel.

“What?”

Rich was in front of him by the time Jeremy got out of his car. The small boy shifted from worried to excited in a second.

“Jer, your dad told us you were getting out today. You fine?”

“Dandy. What's the hurry?” Jeremy asked.

“It's because we're ready. Let's go!”

Jake, who had taken his time to acknowledge Mr Heere, was now catching up with them to walk Jeremy to his house.

“What Rich is trying to say,” Jake chirped in “is that we've waited for you to be released -I'm glad you're ok by the way- but we're worried about your buddy too. We were waiting for you to go out of the hospital.”

“You're worried about Michael?”

“So _that's_ his name!” Rich almost shouted.

That was not reassuring but it made Jeremy smile. He needed to decompress. He followed his dad inside and waved at his friends to enter too. The three boys walked up the stairs to Jeremy's room.

“What's your business with him?” Jeremy asked.

“My buddy's buddy is my buddy too.” Rich declared confidently. “He gave me the Moutain Dew Red, I owe him my sanity.”

“And I... saw him at the party,” Jake confessed. “He was so gloomy. Nobody should look like that.”

“That's very thoughtful, Jake,” Jeremy said doubtfully. He heard Rich say “I'm not?” but the small boy was kindly ignored.

“That's not all of it. Some things happened at my party that I'm not proud of. I just want to fix my mistakes.”

Jeremy remembered Dustin and his fist clenched. He had those memories playing on repeat ever since the day he woke up.

“Oh. You _saw_ it? And you didn't do anything?”

Jake backed away. So he _did_ know what happened. He pressed himself against the bedroom door and Jeremy had to look away to keep his calm.

“I'm so sorry, man. I knew it was happening but I didn't know if I should stop it or not. It was the first time I held a party this big. I wanted to stay popular, you know? I feel so bad.”

Rich put himself between Jake and Jeremy. It was laughable that he was the one between them. It was like a mouse surrounded by lions. But you know the story about how a mouse may be of service to a lion.

“That kinda shit happens every time at parties. It could have been anyone. Don't blame Jake, he's trying to help.”

“Y-Yeah... Ok, I got it.”

He couldn't get mad at him, he had done the same thing to Michael.

“I blocked him out...” Jeremy mumbled, thinking aloud.

“That... That's it?” Rich raised an eyebrow. “That's nothing to worry about bro.”

Jeremy sighed. He sat on his bed. This whole thing was starting to down on him. His bed cricked. He felt the tension ease a little bit.

“I visually blocked him out. I couldn't see him or hear him. I left him all alone. I'm the worst friend ever.”

A moment passed. Neither Jake nor Rich were moving. Suddenly, Jeremy felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Jake leaned over to him. The expression in his eyes was the friendliest it could be. Rich was wearing the same expression a few feet away.

“It's alright, we'll go look for him. Then we can all apologise.”

He felt a pang knowing that Jake and Rich were ready to go searching for Michael with him. His new friends actually cared. A sad smile appeared on his face. He got up to get his keys.

“Fine. Then let's go _right now_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watch out, this is going right out of the rails.  
> Also, I know Michael is supposed to be P1, but think about that: P1 is always blue while P2 is always red.


	10. The Mell's house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake, Rich and Jeremy are ready to roam the streets of New Jersey to find Michael, but first : Michael's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda like the two moms Au, but this is not the kind of Au that goes well, so Michael has that kind of parents. You'll see what I mean.

They drove all the way to Michael's. Jake and Rich were cautiously silent, giving Jeremy some space to think, which he was thankful for.

He had given them the address, not wanting to be disturbed. When they parked the car, Jeremy gulped. He couldn't face Michael, they had to turn around. This was a bad idea. Michael would never forgive him and his “happily ever after” would not happen.

Rich banged against the glass, successfully waking him up.

“Hey, cloud head. We're here.”

He eyed Rich as if he was seeing him for the first time, then cautiously got out. Jake and Rich would not walk in front of him. He would not have let them anyway. He led them to the door, paused, and finally ringed. No one answered. He knocked. The sound of his fist on the wood reverberated through the house. He turned to the others. Jake shrugged. Jeremy tried calling:

“Michael?”

He knocked harder... and the door opened by itself.

“What the...? Sh-Shit. Michael!?”

He stormed in, not bothering to knock anymore.

“Fuck, the door is open?” He heard Rich bawl.

“Michael! Michael!”

He never got an answer. He tried to listen to any sound possible, but the house was silent as death.

He charged inside, heading for the basement. When he got there, he dropped any hope to find Michael at home. The whole place was a mess. There were things everywhere. Papers, bottles and cans, shirts, pants, the remote control, the game console... their gamepads...

“T-That's not a robbery.” Jeremy realized.

“I never pegged your friend to be such a pig.” Jake declared.

“He's not. I don't understand...”

The basement was empty and cold. Jeremy got the feeling that the whole house was this way. Everywhere Jeremy looked, the place was a wreck. It was like nothing had been tidied up for months. Jeremy lifted an empty bag of chips to find that it was not as empty as it seemed. Jake kicked a can unintentionally and when for the window. Jeremy headed toward the bathroom. An odd feeling made him sway. He grabbed the handle, pushed slightly. The bathroom... was way worse than the basement.

Michael's “creep” sweater was hanging on the edge of the bathtub. It still smelled like alcohol. The mirror was cracked in the middle. There was a red spot on the side. When Jeremy saw the sink, he felt like he was in a horror movie. Blood was splattered everywhere. Jeremy noticed the bandages and got reminded of Michael's condition after the party. He also remembered Michael's texts. Suddenly I found himself eyeing the blood more sceptically. Had Michael been desperate enough to...? Jeremy didn't want to think about it. He couldn't stand the idea. Either he left the bathroom, or Jake and Rich would find him retching in the toilets.

He got out at the same time that Rich walked down the stairs.

“Hey, there's no one up there and the fridge is empty. Like, not _clean empty_ but you get it.”

“You checked in the fridge?”

“I'm hungry.” Rich tried to ignore Jake unsuccessfully.

“Wait, the Mells are gone?” Jake asked, his eyes widening while catching on. “Is this a home invasion?”

“No, not really. Michael's parents aren't home often,” Jeremy explained. “In fact, they aren't in New Jersey most of the time. They work in another state.”

“Does he have any relative taking care of him?”

“His brother doesn't live very far...”

Needless to say, Michael's parents were not very good parents. Mr and Mrs Mell were workaholics. If it wasn't for the pictures hanging around in the house, Jeremy would not be able to recognise them at all. Michael's brother was not the most assiduous either. Usually Michael called him when he needed something special but otherwise, the guy had his own life to live.

“I don't think this is very legal.”

“I don't think either,” Jeremy approved. “But Michael doesn't want to call them out, he's afraid he'd have to go to a foster family.”

A moment passed. There was the sound of crumpled paper and crushed chips. Rich finally lost his patience:

“Okay. Sooooo... You call him or what?”

“Oh! Right, yeah.” Jeremy immediately caught on.

He took out his phone and dialled Michael's number. He jumped when Michael's ringtone startled him. The ring came from behind. Rummaging a bit, he found it. Michael's phone was under a pair of pants that seemed to never have been worn and beside a pot with ashes inside. His eyes found the burned corner of a picture in the pot. What had happened here?

“Well shit, he left his phone. Now what?” Rich whined.

Jake answered Rich. Jeremy was too concentrated on Michael's phone to take part in the conversation. It wasn't cracked or anything, but it wasn't in a good state. Michael's phone has never been an essential tool for him. He had very few contacts, and none of them called on a regular basis. In fact, he had received no call and very few texts in the past... shit, two months if not three. Once again, Jeremy blamed himself for leaving Michael for his quest for popularity. He opened his page on Michael's text app to read them again -maybe he could find a clue to where Michael was- when an unsent message caught his attention.

_[I love you]_

Jeremy blushed, suddenly paralysed. He almost dropped the phone when Jake appeared at his side.

“Hey, Jer.”

“Y-y-yeah?”

“Rich found something... particular.”

He handed him a small object with care, and Jeremy instantly went from tomato red to white as a sheet. It was a syringe.

“Rich found it by the bed and, uh... Jer, you know Michael. What does he do in his free time?”

“Michael's not a drug addict!” Jeremy yelled.

“You sure? Because there's an awful lot of those 'round here.” Rich added.

The small boy rose up from behind the bed, his hand full of various stuff, which all looked like a direct trip to prison.

“He... I-I don't know where this is from.”

“Don't justify yourself, I'm not a cop.” His friend scoffed.

“No, really. Michael is _not_ a heavy user. The worse he ever buy is weed. It's recreational.”

A heavy silence greeted him. Jeremy couldn't blame the others for not believing him after what they've found.

He thought about the situation for a second. He tried not to think about the fact that in hardly ten minutes, they had found both drugs and blood at Michael's. He was afraid to find Michael's car parked at the bridge that was not too far away or next to the railway across town. Instead, he focused on his knowledge of Michael. Messing up the place seemed like something high Michael would do. Normal Michael preferred to have some actual floor to walk on. This meant that Michael had been high longer than usually. So either he left to grab a bite, or he left to find someplace more welcoming...

An idea popped into his mind and Jeremy fumbled with Michael's phone again. Yes! Just as expected! The last contact Michael sent a message to was a number strangely nicknamed "K-nor".

“Michael's weed contact!”

“Damn, the guy's got a weed contact! You hear that Jake?”

“Yep. That's awesome.”

Jeremy really needed to learn when to close his mouth. Whatever. He would have to explain this anyway.

“He usually gets his supplies from him. The guy owns a... let's say a weed palace?”

“Don't sugarcoat it, what's it called?”

“I really don't know. He told me once, but he never goes there. Usually, he meets the guy face to face at the mall.”

“At the mall? Man, he's got balls.” Jake was absolutely amazed by the subject.

Jeremy didn't understand how they could talk so lightly about such things. Rich, a tad jealous of not being mentioned, explained the situation to Jake.

“No, clearly, the mall is the place where no one suspects anything. Why do you think Wolverine was selling the Squips there? So, no, he's just being practical.”

“... Wolverine?”

“Forget it.”

“Michael seems like a cool dude. I'd love to officially meet him.”

In the meantime, Jeremy had sent a message to the guy, asking to talk to Michael. Soon, the phone buzzed, and K-nor's answer was [he doesn't want to see you]. He gasped. Not because the rejection was blunt and effective, but because he finally had a clue to where Michael was.

“He's there!”

“Where?”

“The weed palace!”

“I thought you said he wasn't a heavy user?”

“Usually not. It's just... I don't know what's happening to him.”

Jeremy clenched his jaw. This was his fault. The only time Michael went at K-Nor's was the first time his parents left without telling him. He didn't like the place. Too many stoned folks in the same spot, he said.

“It's our only clue,” Jeremy stated.

“You realize it's dangerous _and_ illegal to go there?”

“If you don't want to come I'll go by myself.” Jeremy didn't mean to sound so harsh, but the message got through. Jake and Rich reacted in the same way, at the same time.

“No _fucking_ way tall ass! Don't you dare go without me!”

“I'm not letting you go alone, it's not safe. And I'm worried too.”

Jeremy huffed. He pocketed Michael's phone and lead the way to their next destination.

“Then let's go. I still know where it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Michael is still not here! Hourray!  
> Haha the pants song didn't happen. That's why Jeremy finds Michael's phone under a pair of pants. Got it? Hahaha... It's funny.  
> Sorry about K-Nor, I needed a name. Couldn't resist putting a DEH reference.


	11. Your worst enemy is yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys found a clue to where Michael may be, and they go to a weird place Jeremy calls the "weed palace".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my first time writing high people. If you find anything bad, do tell me and I'll correct it next time.

The place was not exactly hidden. Well, it was hiding in plain sight. A small buzzing sound was coming from inside. The entry to the "weed palace" was a slightly ajar door with no light visible, and the blinds halfway down. Jeremy knew the place. He went there once with Michael -the first time Michael came to buy weed- because he couldn't stand the idea of Michael having to go alone. The place scared him so much that Michael promised him he wouldn't go back. It was after this episode that Michael started buying his weed at the mall.

Getting inside was not a problem. The guard eyed them for a second, then let them in. Finding Michael in this mess would be the real challenge. The inside was quite narrow, but it was built like a student dorm, with thousands of rooms to explore. Michael could be in any of them, and even if Jeremy did not want to come across a scene he would regret seeing, finding Michael was more important than anything.

“Wow. Monster party,” Rich chirped in. “And I don't mean that it's awesome, these guys are _literally_ creeps.”

Surely, a hazy guy wobbled past them, shoved them and yelled at someone to stop running away. Jake pushed a door to find someone vigorously cleaning a wall, which was useless considering the dirtiness of the place. The other two people inside were passed out on the floor. Jeremy was not at ease _at all_. He was glazing left and right, looking for Michael. Everything to get out of this hellhole. What was Michael doing here anyway? This was nothing like him. Had he messed up that bad?

When he opened a door and saw the red hoodie, he almost thought it was a trick of his eyes. He rushed to him, Rich and Jake were following close on his heels. He pushed past someone too stoned to react and only stopped when he reached the old sofa Michael was sitting on. Michael was here, in front of him. He was humming. His head was laid down backwards and he seemed a bit out of it, but it was definitely him. They had found him.

“Michael!”

His buddy did not react, and Jeremy went to hug him. He wanted to hold him until the end of time. Jeremy felt a pang when he clutched his friend close and found out that not only Michael didn't hug him back, but he was also skinnier than before. Finally, Michael lifted his head and acknowledged them. Then, suddenly, he started to squirm under Jeremy's touch.

“Oh,” Michael cut him short with a lazy tone. “Hey, stop. What d'you think you're doing?”

Michael's hand came in between them, and Jeremy accepted to be pushed back. For the first time in months, he caught Michael's eyes. Only this time, it was Michael that was avoiding his look. He was looking at Jake and Rich with red eyes, trying to decipher if this was a prank or an illusion.

“Michael I'm so sorry...”

He wasn't listening to him.

“What are you two doing here?” Michael asked. Jeremy through a glance at Rich and Jake. They were not fazed by Michael's state. Jake had some form of repenting look over him.

“We came to get you,” Jeremy answered. Suddenly, Michael looked at him. Not in the eyes but lower, as if he still thought Jeremy as an illusion. Cold fury darkened his features. His voice got deep.

“I didn't ask you...”

Jeremy shat up immediately. His friend lifted his hand to his mouth. Jeremy noticed but he had a blunt and took a long drag on it. He drifted off focus and slowly released the smoke.

“Michael, we're taking you back home.” Jeremy tried again.

“Uh? Why?”

“Because you shouldn't be here.”

“D'you mean... I shouldn't be here or _you_ shouldn't be here?”

Some guy snickered in the back then kept on giggling. Michael joined him with less enthusiasm. Rich, who was already tapping his finger impatiently, spoke up.

“C'mon, we're not leaving without you. Let's go!”

“Daaaamn, you have a lisp? Wait 'til everyone knows that.”

“Everyone already knows, it's been days since the play ended.”

“Uh...”

Michael seemed unsure but didn't ask about the play. Instead, he resumed humming. Jake looked at him with a quizzical look.

“Is this about the Halloween party?” He asked.

“Hummmm... Awesome party. 'So glad I came.” The irony was so obvious that Jake flinched.

“Seriously Michael,” Jake's tone had dropped. He wasn't joking around anymore. “You need to come with us.”

Jeremy wasn't sure they should rush him like that because Michael clearly needed time, but he caught a stolen glance between Jake and Rich, a sort of non-verbal conversation, and Jeremy was on alert immediately. There was something going on.

“'nd why should I come with you? Jermy hates me, Rich hates me, and _you_ don't even know who I am.” Michael was rambling at this point. He kept on going. “Of course you don't know me. All you know about me is my name. And that's because Jermy told you before coming.”

Michael's mouth clutched and his blunt got crushed in his hand. Was he angry? Seeing him angry was quite uncommon. Jeremy had to check twice but he understood that Michael wasn't angry at Jake especially. In fact, he seemed angry at himself.

“I guess you hate me too 'cause you didn't do a damn thing. I'm not worth your time maybe.”

The guy in the back snickered again, but Michael didn't follow him. He was staring at his joint as if it was pure poison.

_[don't feel like anyone would come over]_

Jeremy held his breath. He refused to let Michael out of his sight. His head was foggy and his hand was moist, but he held on. If he kept up, maybe Michael would look at him someday.

“Michael, stop. Not now.” Rich barged in. “We'll sort this out later. You have to come with us now. Can you try to stand up?”

“Oh, I tried alright. I tried. All I got was a black eye and a broken wrist. I got it, I'm not trying anymore.”

Rich sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

“He's not hearing us. Jer, we _have_ to get out.”

“W-Why?”

Rich hesitated. He eyed Jake and, without saying a word, mouthed “police”. Jeremy panicked. He went to hold Michael's sleeve, not daring to touch him again, and tried to pull it. He grumbled and made no effort to stand up.

“You can't stay stoned forever.”

“Then come back when I'm not.”

“Michael!”

Finally, Michael turned his head towards him. Jeremy got lost in his eyes. They were reddened, and he could feel that Michael had given up. No hope, no anger. Just fear tainted with an ounce of melancholy.

“Oh,” Michael said softly. “You can see me.”

Jeremy felt a tear. _[I love you]_ the text message had said. Michael loved Jeremy. Who knew how many times Michael had written this message only to erase it afterwards? Seeing the distraught look in his friend's eyes, Jeremy realised some things about himself. Right now, Michael needed him. He went to held Michael's hand as if touching him would erase every problem. Michael let himself be held. When their hands touched, every background noise vanished. There was only him and Michael.

“I don't want you to get hurt. Come with me.”

Michael's eyes hovered between his hand and Jeremy with a frown of hesitation. After a tensed pause, he leaned his head back again the sofa and smoked one last time.

“Whatever.”

He went back to humming, only this time he was half-singing some lyrics here and there. Jake decided he had enough. He grabbed Michael and pried him from the couch. The boy did not even try to resist.

A noise came abruptly from the entrance. The door had been crashed open. It felt like a storm had barged in the place.

“We can't let them see Michael like this!”

“There _must_ be a back door! Go!”

They started to run. People were panicking. Most of them were too stoned to react instantly but some were already scattering away, trying to find a window or a backdoor just like them. Michael was still singing, but his voice was covered by the uproar and his own tiredness. It was butchered with Jake's hops. However, Jeremy could still make out some words out of his friend's slumber.

“Humm... mm... Cross my heart mmmm... to die. Burn my mmmmm... my eyes.”

Jeremy still held on Michael's sleeve. He couldn't let go of him, but he recognised the song though. He gulped.

“Mmmmmm you worse than nicotine.”

“Worse than nicotine,” Jeremy sang.

Michael smiled, as if he had been waiting for Jeremy to sing along all this time and, lulled by Jake's bounces and Jeremy's singing, he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you're looking for it, let me spare you the time. The song is "Nicotine" by Panic!At The Disco. Although Michael had previously hummed “If you love me let me go [...] These words are knives that often leave scars” (“This Is Gospel” by Panic! but I never wrote the lyrics -it didn't fit in the text).   
> I don't know if he would be kind of guy to listen to Panic!At The Disco (and at this point I'm too afraid to ask). 
> 
> ... Want some spoil ? http://www.casimages.com/i/180410114611116578.jpg.html


	12. Love is the best medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys found Michael! It is now time to say sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some fluff!!!

Michael woke up with a small headache. He ran his hand through his hair mechanically and found a few knots that he promptly ignored. His mouth was sand-dry and his mind a bit foggy, but he could manage.

He was laying on something soft, a mattress likely, that smelled a bit familiar. Where was he? He moved his head left and right. He still had his glasses on -unbroken, what a miracle. He could see the place clearly. He recognised the wallpapers, the odor and the clothes spread out everywhere. He was home.

Michael could remember the night, but not how he ended up at home, which meant that he had been carried there, probably by Jake himself? He didn't want to think about the how right now, he was still too tired. Some hoarse snores came from the floor nearby and Michael saw a tuft of blond hair with a red stripe springing up from a duvet. Apparently, Rich had found some pillows to sleep on.

Michael tried to get up, but something heavy slid down his chest while he moved. Surprised, he looked down at it and saw an arm. He followed the arm and found... Jeremy? Something blossomed in his chest. He pushed the feeling down and crawled away from his ex-friend. He wasn't sure how he should act, or feel. Thankfully, Jeremy was asleep. Michael was familiar with Jeremy's sleeping habits, but seeing his lanky sleepy shape taking deep breathes and twitching slightly his fingers was too much for him right now. He hadn't seen him for god knows how long and now Jeremy was sleeping right behind him. He removed himself from his grasp with too much theatrics. Jeremy's hand fell flat on the mattress. He got up quickly. He still felt the ghost weight of Jeremy's arm on him. It was unsettling and unpleasant in the least. He turned heels and headed upstairs.

Noises in the kitchen alerted him. However, when Michael entered the-said kitchen, he saw none other than Jake Dilinger actively cooking breakfast in what seemed like a post-apocalyptic excuse of a kitchen. Seriously, what a mess.

“Oh. Hey Michael. Good morning.” Jake greeted him.

Michael said nothing. He took in the fact that Jake _fucking_ Dilinger was in his home, cooking breakfast while cleaning up the place at the same time. That was something he never thought he would see. It took him long enough to recollect his senses but Jake didn't mind. Instead, the tall boy slipped an egg on a plate and put it on the table in front of Michael. Then he went back to cooking.

“After what happened, you must be famished. Sorry, I didn't find anything else to cook.”

Michael flinched. He had run out of cereals a week earlier, and eggs were about the only thing that was left in the fridge. He hadn't bothered going out for more because he had seen no reason to. He wasn't even sure those eggs were still comestible. Still, he sat down politely, a tad confused about what was happening.

“You're not eating?”

“...No.”

God, his voice was raspy.

“You have to eat, Michael.”

Now Jake was looking at him with care. Michael couldn't stand it. He laid back in his chair and averted Jake's eyes. Silence settled in and, with a sight, Jake decided to go back to cooking. Michael was dead silent. He wasn't moving an inch. Jake was about to try to talk to him when a storm ran up the stairs and darted through the door panting. It was Jeremy, still in his pyjamas, looking like he had just woken up but had already reached full-on panic mode. Rich was following him with a tired look on his face. When Jeremy saw Michael, his expression quickly shifted from worried to relieved.

“Michael!” Jeremy smiled.

Michael's face remained emotionless. Jeremy didn't know what he was supposed to tell him. Now that Michael's mind was clear, he could manage his emotions better, but Jeremy could see through him. And he saw that Michael was way past anger. Actually, Michael was in a mess of emotions and Jeremy being in his kitchen, all excited and shit, that was not helping him.

“Michael, you weren't home, I was worried that you'd ran away again.” Jeremy tried to justify him rushing into the room. Michael breathed in a scoff.  He looked at Jeremy with a disrupting smile.

“Oh, you were _worried_? What were you worried about exactly, that I shouldn't be here for you to make fun of me?”

Jeremy flinched back. He exchanged a look with Jake, and the tall boy dropped what he was doing to leave the room, dragging Rich behind him. They heard them going down to the basement, but it took time for Jeremy to find the courage to talk again.

“I-I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I didn't want to leave you behind. I didn't want anything bad to happen to you, I...”

He got lost in his thought. There was a lot he had to say.

“What's your excuse?” Michael asked suddenly. His fingers were intertwining anxiously. Jeremy's spirits lifted, Michael was giving him a chance!

“I... A-A supercomputer took over my brain.”

Michael's eyes grew comically. The very small smile he had disappeared. He was hesitating between disbelief and fury.

“Is that the best excuse you could come up with? Am I not even worth your honesty?”

“But I'm being honest! All that time I didn't talk to you was because I couldn't see you!”

Michael closed his eyes and winced. This was not working. Instead of apologizing, Jeremy felt like he was losing Michael even more. Looking back at it, Jeremy could understand how insincere he sounded, but that was the truth.

“Let's say I believe you... Weren't you at least worried that I was not at school?”

Jeremy stopped breathing. _He's right, you know._ A small voice piped from the back of his head. _What a great friend you are. Bravo, Jeremy_. He mumbled a "shut up", not loud enough for Michael to understand. He thought about Rich for a second. He must have had the same problem explaining things to Jake, but Michael was something else. He should not have left him alone. They had no one else but themselves. Something horrible could have happened.

“I didn't know you weren't at school... Because I couldn't see you.”

“Oh, damn. My bad then.”

Michael looked defeated. He _sounded_ defeated. He was tired and hungry. He had tried to give Jeremy his chance _twice_ , but every time it was blasted back at him. He felt sick, talking to Jeremy for this long, after being _away_ from Jeremy for this long. He turned his head away before his watery eyes could betray him. He wouldn't cry in front of him, but the emotion got to him anyhow. He heard himself speak, even though he wasn't thinking about what he was saying. It was an automatic answer, something he would never have said if he was in his right mind.

“I don't know what you think about this Jeremy but I can't... I can't do this. You can't just come back one day and expect everything to be just fine. You were my best friend, and you ignored me for days to go frolic around. For what, some new friends and a crush? I could have helped you, you know? Or, if you didn't want to see me... you could have texted me at least! Our friendship actually _meant something_ to me before and I don't know if I can keep up without you. I can't keep up, because I... ”

“I love you.”

Michael snapped his head up. His mind went blank. The blush on Jeremy's cheeks confirmed him that Jeremy had really said what he thought he had said.

“Wait, n-no! I'm not... T-That's what was on your phone, you w-wanted to text it to me... Is it true? Or... Was it true?”

Michael heard the unsaid “Is this the reason why you are so down?”, but he also heard the “Is it true that you love me?” and he couldn't answer to that. Lying was impossible but there was no way he'd tell the truth right now. Jeremy knew he had said too much when he saw Michael's head lower.

“No! I don't mean that it's bothering me, I just... God, why is this so difficult? I like what we have Michael. Or, _had_ actually. I don't know. I hope it's not too late to fix what's broken. You're still my favowite pewson, Mikey. I mean it. And I think I...”

A pause. Jeremy had intentionally used Michael's accent to catch his attention and now Michael was looking at him with hope.

“Maybe... I... Like you too.”

Jeremy was stunned by his own words. He felt his face redden. He hadn't meant to say that aloud, he didn't even know if it was true yet. However, the pang in his chest when he looked at him and the feeling he had when he had taken Michael's hand the evening before, those were signs he couldn't ignore. Michael however, had no reaction on his face whatsoever. He crossed his arms on the table and frowned. At some point, Jeremy feared that Michael had forgotten about him. He opened his mouth again, but his friend stopped him.

“I need you to leave.” Michael did not seem angry, but his tone was definitive.

“What? Michael...”

“Get out, Jeremy. I can't be with you right now. I need to be alone. I'll explain later.”

Jeremy opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. Michael was done with him, but there was progress. He was not angry anymore, he was just tired. Plus, he had looked at him today. That was something.

“You... You're not leaving again, right?” Jeremy confirmed.

“What's the point. Wherever I go, you'll always find me.” Michael scoffed. His lips twitched slightly up.

Yes. Progress.

“Promise?” Jeremy asked.

“Go away, Jer.”

Jeremy left the room smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you've got that kind of friendship, you know the other well enough to understand him without talking.  
> Next one is the last chapter D:


	13. Patching up scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More fluff. If you made it here, you earned it.  
> It's an epilogue so it's shorter.

The days after, Michael came back to school. He was a bit edgy, but he was doing fine. The first time Jake pat on his shoulder, he almost ran away -Jeremy had been the one to calm him down. He still needed to be alone sometimes, but he was sociable by nature, and the bounce in his step came back naturally. But this situation was torture for Jeremy. Because even though Michael adapted quite well to his new friendship with Jake, Rich, Christine and the girls, he was still stiff when around Jeremy.

Then one day, they sat together. Alone, outside. Just the two of them. On the stairs behind the school. They were at eye level with knees and short skirts, a very pleasant sight if you were a dummy looking for an easy boner but they were past this time. At least no one was bothering them. Michael was slurping on a slushy and Jeremy had zoned out at some point. Unlike the previous 'recovery week', this was not an awkward silence. It was so comfortable and so normal that Jeremy hadn't noticed them falling back into their old patterns.

“Jer.”

“Uh?” Jeremy snapped his head to Michael. His tall friend was looking in the distance.

“You haven't told me why you ignored me for about a month.”

Jeremy's heart whooped.

“Oh, uh, about that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blocked you out. It wasn't even Keanu's fault in the end.”

“So you're still sticking with this story about the Squip?”

“Yeah, uh... It's... It's really the truth.”

“Well then.”

Jeremy waited for Michael to elaborate but his friend stayed silent. He slurped on his slushy.

They had a conversation on the very first day of Michael's return. Jeremy had explained everything about the Squip, with Rich supporting his story. Michael had seemed reluctant at first but had accepted the whole thing after a bit of research. For his part, after Jeremy's constant enquiry, Michael had told him how he had felt during this time, not _everything_ -they still hadn't talked about the text message or anything love-related- but it was something, at least. He told him how alone he felt when there was no one but his computer for him, and that sometimes he had problems staying with Jeremy for too long. It made him itchy and uncomfortable. It was hard, keeping a "cool down distance", but they managed.

“You remember we had a fight, right?” Michael asked out of the blue. “On the parking lot. I honestly thought you were angry at me for not trying.”

“Wh...?” Of course he remembered. That was when he offered Michael a Squip. “Yeah... Sorry about that too.”

“Was it worth it?”

“What, being cool?”

“No, getting Christine.”

Ah. Christine. To be frank, Jeremy had -almost- completely forgotten about her after his release. He had been too worried for Michael to remember anything else. And although she spoke to him naturally now, the feelings he had developed toward her didn't match the ones he had recently discovered for Michael.

“I didn't ask her out.”

“You should. Go talk to her, say you appreciate that she's smart. Buy her a rose if you want, but that's old game if you ask me.”

“Are you trying to hook me up?” Jeremy laughed. He was pleased to hear Michael laugh too.

“No, I'm just trying to understand why you dumped me. If it wasn't for Christine, what was it for?”

Jeremy stiffened. Oh, shit.

“You know,” Michael kept speaking. “Fighting and ignoring your best friend for a girl? I kinda understand. For popularity? Well, that's fucked up and you should never have done it, but I get it too. Right now you're half popular and you don't have the girl. So what did you do that for?”

Michael got carried away. He tried to calm himself down but without success. His breath spiked.

“Was it for nothing? Or was it because of me? Did you just want to get rid of me? I know I'm just a loser, nobody cool plays retro games or listens to music all day. And nobody cool hides behind the same old patched-up hoodie which isn't even a popular brand and fuck, please _say something_!”

Jeremy grabbed his hand. Once again, the world stopped. There was just the two of them. Their surroundings didn't matter anymore. It was them and them only. He looked at Michael in the eye. Michael felt the usual pang in his chest whenever Jeremy touched him.

“I like that,” Jeremy explained. “I like your retro games, your music and I love your red hoodie. You're so unique. The others are dumb if they don't like you. I wanted to get popular but I made the wrong choice. I'm not leaving you.”

“Don't do this to yourself, Jer. Don't force yourself to stay with me. I'm a loser and I won't change. If you hang out with me again, you'll be a loser too.”

“So, what if they badmouth? I don't mind. Damn them all. Nerds for life.”

Jeremy looked at him fondly, but some small part of Michael was still fighting him. Physically, they were frozen in place. Mentally, a battle was going on in Michael's mind. It was hard to tell what was real and what was not.

“You're saying that like you'll stay with me forever,” Michael said honestly. “Don't. I'll freak out if you start ignoring me again, I can't keep being alone.”

His breath quickened again. His vision got blurry. Nobody cared. Nobody knew about him. Nobody would try to find him if he just...

“I'm not good enough,” Michael pleaded.

Jeremy tackled Michael in a hug. He wanted to soothe him, but no words escaped his mouth. He was too flustered to talk. Michael managed to stutter some words.

“I... Jeremy, I love you. The text message is true. Please, don't leave me.”

His voice was small, begging. Jeremy held him even tighter. He was so fragile right now.

“Frankly, I'm still figuring it out but... I think I might... Love you too, Michael.”

Michael couldn't hold it any longer. He buried his head in Jeremy's shirt and cried. The closeness was familiar, comforting. His faith was still wavering but Jeremy would be here for him, and he'd be here for Jeremy. That was a truth he needed to fall into. They were together.

“I'm never leaving you again,” Jeremy repeated. “It's a promise.”

The boys leaned over one another and, for once, the world left them at peace.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fin.  
> Welp. This had been an adventure. Thanks for reading it, for your patience, for your contributions. Please comment on what you liked/didn't like so I may improve myself.  
> And if you're nice enough, I might just write another BMC fic :P  
> (I definitely got more ideas. One of them is in writing)


End file.
